looking back over the summer

this has been the best summer ever.

a lot of "bad" stuff has happened, but it's all turned out for the better. I just feel like God was so in charge of everything that happened this summer. There was a lot of stress and a lot of tears this summer but even more good times and laughter.

I realized that I have, quite literally, the most amazing friends in the world. I really honestly don't know what I would have done without them this summer. I got so much closer to old friends from church and chrysalis and I met a bunch of awesome new people too. I realized my friends have been there all along, it was me that wasn't. But they were there to catch me [quite literally one night when I broke down and collapsed on the stairs] and let me fall on them. They were more than willing to listen and to talk when I needed them, and I honestly don't think I've ever laughed so much in my life as I have with my friends this summer. And most of all, they were brutally honest when I needed them to be, even when I didn't like what they had to say. That's when you know your friends are for real; when they care so much about you that they risk you hating them by telling you something you don't want to hear because they know it's something you need to hear.

I also realized what a difference I make as a person. I feel like I actually do make a difference, at least. I don't mean that in a concieted way, but it's nice to know that the things I do and say are actually noticed and appreciated. I realized that God is really using me. I pray so often for Him to allow me to touch lives, and I don't care about getting anything in return, but this summer He let me see and hear from people how I've touched them. A lot of it had to do with Chrysalis, which was probably one of the most amazing experiences of my life. which leads me into the most important lesson I learned this summer:

God is in charge. No ifs, ands, or buts. God knows what's best and He'll make sure it happens. I've never been so much in awe of what He can do. My favorite pass-it-on card that we sell at Lifeway is so simple, yet so powerful. it's a picture of 2 penguins, one that has a big fish that's engulfing the top half of the penguins body. it says "relax, God's in charge." it's so cute, and yet so powerful. I learned this summer that even when a big fish is engufling half of my body, I can trust God. I learned that when my heart is bruised and my self-esteem shot to hell, God is in charge. I learned that when things aren't going according to plan, God's in charge. Because really, it's all God's plan, not mine. not yours. not his or hers or ours. It's God's, and his plan is so much better than anything we could ever imagine that I wonder why we bother clinging to our own blueprints for life, when everything God has to offer is infinitely better than what we could dream of.

and now, in the wee hours of the morning of the day I head down to Newport News to begin my junior year of college, I feel torn. I feel like half of my heart is in northern Virginia, and half of it is in Newport News [and yes, a piece is in FL as well]. I have so many amazing friends and incredible opportunities in both places. Both places are home; and I am happy being in both. But I am also sad in both, because I can't have everyone and everything in one place. But this year promises to hold fantastic things, and I'm excited to see where God is leading me. I'm stronger and yet still so weak, weak enough that I must lean on Him. I want to grow closer to God and closer to my friends every single day. My life would be nothing without them.

so thank you. thank you to all of you who were there for me, who cared, who cried with me, and laughed with me. thanks for keeping me out til 2 in the morning, or talking to me til 4 in the morning. for the phone calls and texts and visits while I was at work, for the random comments and smiles. thanks for catching me as I fell and for trusting me to catch you. thank you to my old friends who let me come back, and to the new friends who love me quirks and all. for asking for my advice and giving me advice. for the puttputt, bowling, ice cream, and movies. for building me up when I was shot to shreds, for making me feel like I am worth something. for the hugs and the "boops." for coming over just because you knew I needed a hug. for trusting me and letting me trust you. "thank you" doesn't even begin to cover it. without you all, I would be nothing. please know that you have touched somebody and that you have changed somebody for the better. you are amazing, and I really do love you all.